I had a bit of an irritating moment today when someone told me I thought I was fine, but I really couldn't be. It has happened before, when I was told I would be angry with my Mum, but I shouldn't be.
Now, in a similar way to how I tested myself for depression, let me check if i really am fine. Unfortunately, there is no website called www.amifine.com, but here are a few questions i tend to ask myself:
a. can I celebrate when people around me are happy?
b. do i compare myself to them?
c. am i screaming or getting upset with people around me?
d. am i angry with people around me?
e. am i having any trouble trusting people around me?
f. do i find myself crying or getting upset at random times?
g. am i contributing to the happiness of people around me?
h. do people have to bite their tongue when they speak to me?
i. am i able to appreciate the generosity of my family and friends?
h. do i remember to say thank you?
j. do i think i am perfect?
k. am i aware of the mistakes i tend to repeat often? ie, i am unable to achieve the desired goal?
l. do i have a plan to change?
m. what happens when i change the word people to Mum in questions a thru h?
i won't go into the details of it (tho, i probably should) but i really am fine, and i love my mum. i am aware of a lot of mistakes i make: i don't cook well, i should have a cleaner room, i should be at work earlier, where i can definitely focus better, i should perhaps try and arrive sooner at venues and i struggle a bit with coming back to an empty house while my friend is away - but i really am not bitter or angry. i am not even postponing happiness, when i get agitated, i know how to deal with myself.
i don't know how to explain this, and i wish i could because honestly I would be invincible if I could only keep this up. but seriously, paraphrasing Ramkrishna Paramhansa, deal with the Life as a whole and you realise that it makes up for the shit, if you only give it a chance, if you are game enough to keep playing.
PS: and yes, i tend to write stupid posts when i return to an empty house and don't have anyone to speak to!!
PPS: both these people referred to in the first paragraph actually don't see me everyday...
Now, in a similar way to how I tested myself for depression, let me check if i really am fine. Unfortunately, there is no website called www.amifine.com, but here are a few questions i tend to ask myself:
a. can I celebrate when people around me are happy?
b. do i compare myself to them?
c. am i screaming or getting upset with people around me?
d. am i angry with people around me?
e. am i having any trouble trusting people around me?
f. do i find myself crying or getting upset at random times?
g. am i contributing to the happiness of people around me?
h. do people have to bite their tongue when they speak to me?
i. am i able to appreciate the generosity of my family and friends?
h. do i remember to say thank you?
j. do i think i am perfect?
k. am i aware of the mistakes i tend to repeat often? ie, i am unable to achieve the desired goal?
l. do i have a plan to change?
m. what happens when i change the word people to Mum in questions a thru h?
i won't go into the details of it (tho, i probably should) but i really am fine, and i love my mum. i am aware of a lot of mistakes i make: i don't cook well, i should have a cleaner room, i should be at work earlier, where i can definitely focus better, i should perhaps try and arrive sooner at venues and i struggle a bit with coming back to an empty house while my friend is away - but i really am not bitter or angry. i am not even postponing happiness, when i get agitated, i know how to deal with myself.
i don't know how to explain this, and i wish i could because honestly I would be invincible if I could only keep this up. but seriously, paraphrasing Ramkrishna Paramhansa, deal with the Life as a whole and you realise that it makes up for the shit, if you only give it a chance, if you are game enough to keep playing.
PS: and yes, i tend to write stupid posts when i return to an empty house and don't have anyone to speak to!!
PPS: both these people referred to in the first paragraph actually don't see me everyday...
2 comments:
Actually what he said was, "deal with God."
Yes, he did! (and what awesome advice that is :)
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