much love

Today I entirely crashed, and I missed my folks in the grounding kind of way that keeps me going. I read something that I really enjoyed, "Caring too much about what people think is useless, most people don't even know what think of themselves", I think it can be easily be extended to "most people don't even know what they think themselves." But, irrespective, I am sure it is one of the things I needed to hear. I am kind of crashed today, somehow somewhere I had this insane amount of doubt if I would ever get where I want to be. Does anyone get where they want to be? How does it feel to be there? Does it feel that good?

I don't know and today I felt like I really really did not want to get out of bed. There is so much going on in our minds, there is food, there is sleep, there are people, there are vision boards, there are goals, there are hormones, there is family, there is Chicory, there is daylight, there is exercise, there are the books we read, there are the shows we watch! Boy, who is to know why I am in such a funk and how am i to get out of it. Did I catch it? from the friend who called me because she is getting separated?

I don't want to go to work, I don't want to meet people there, I don't want to prove anything to anyone, and I just want a fucking promotion with a bit more money - I am tired of taking initiative... anyho, I am sure as weather changes so will this...

much love