Wednesday 21 November 2018

Shitty First Draft

An idea out Brene Brown's Rising Strong, shitty first draft is the first emotional response to something wrong.


maybe this has no business of going up online, but maybe it does. who decides?


I missed a lunch I had organised, I missed a conference I had signed up for. I missed the lunch because of an unfortunately phone call from the bank, and having too much going on - trying to finish a piece of work before the 3pm meeting. I missed the conference, because I was trying to finish the same piece of work, I had just returned from a holiday with early mornings all the way thru, and my phone had broken down and needed fixing and Apple did not make it easy.


Anyway, I don't know what to think.


I don't know how to process this.


What is the story? Am I an idiot? I am a fuckwit and it is so fucking embarrassing! Do I not know how to prioritise and make things happen? Do people hate me and not want me in their team? Are THEY setting me up for failure? Do these things just happen? This doesn't happen to A, B and C! She would NEVER do this!


I do not know who to blame. I do not know how to change.


I do not know, right now, how to deal with a shitty first draft. All I really want for one day is to sleep in and read and watch TV, while something falls into place - but I feel awful for wanting that! I don't believe these people - these Ariana Huffingtons and Brene Browns - who talk about sleeping, and taking a holiday, and all of that, while for years upon years, they were slaves to getting shit done - and now once people think they are amazing, they decide to preach about creativity and holidays and play and shit! I am not an A type - and I want in - except these A types and going on about how that is not such a good idea... without offering ANYTHING in return. And, even when I try I am not able to be A type!


now this really was a shitty first draft! 


  

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