You know the nightmarish moment of dread just before you start to go to sleep, that moment when you are smiling with gratitude for being done with the day (for better or for worse) and that nothing much will get thrown your way at least for the next 8 hours and your mind smirks unkindly at you and that split second of a moment, where your heart freezes with dread and your eyes are wide awake, because you know that your mind, the one that is smirking right now, KNOWS. It knows the shittiest, scaredest part of you, and sometimes when I am about to go to sleep with my dog in my lap, and my parents in the next room and I feel such sense of gratitude, it reminds me that one day there will be a world with me alone, and none of them in it.
In the bright daylight of the day, I can rationalise and distract and pacify myself, but god I hate that last moment of consciousness that brings in the fearful ghosts.
In the bright daylight of the day, I can rationalise and distract and pacify myself, but god I hate that last moment of consciousness that brings in the fearful ghosts.
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