pure ramble

As I inched sluggishly along the treadmill of the Maycomb County school system, I could not help receiving the impression that I was being cheated out of something. Out of what I knew not, yet I did not believe that twelve years of unrelieved boredom was exactly what the state had in mind for me.

So said Scout in To Kill a Mockingbird. And so I guess I am being absolutely unoriginal, however just as miserable about where I am heading in life. I did have a rare really good day at work, but I am just as confused about how and why. i hope it will repeat next week and the week after and the one after and so on. But then there are times where I have a feeling that I am missing out on something in life. maybe it is just that i don't have my family at an arms length, or that sense of isolation that i believe people feel even amidst the people who love them most, because we know that when the time comes, we will be alone. that there is only one person who can be guaranteed to be with us, understand our truest inner most joys and turmoils and that person is us - and this fact, this isolation makes all relationships and all security blankets of a house, a job, and friends just something to enjoy in this moment; and with not a security blanket. and it is ok, just as fair, to live for this moment; but we as a society seem to live under some hypnotism, because no one really believes we are living from moment to moment; look around you and everyone (and me) have plans and security blankets to last me till the day i die. at some level it is always a shock to find that my legs will have to carry my weight, and while help will come, as it always does, it comes in a shape and form that we don't expect it in - that we were not depending upon. and this is what i mean, when i say i have a feeling that i am blind to something very obvious, that i am missing out on something that should be mine.