Doing. Best. Enough.

 I am doing my best. My best is enough.

If I was working from the office, I would have put on my shoes and gone out for a run. My mind is racing in circles, at the moment. 

I am wondering about writing, being a writer, washing hair and learning about makeup. Having a baby, a husband and money. 

doing my best. my best is enough.

having a series of unproductive days at work. initially due to none of my fault. then because i had lost momentum and was/am thinking about changing jobs anyway.

doing my best. my best is enough. 

then because i have been rather horrible to myself and so I am too disheartened to do anything good. And so many things I don't know if I can do anything about. 

I saw myself as a fit and pregnant woman, this morning when I saw the mirror. I kid you not. I saw her/me. I was beautiful and healthy and in near future about to pop a baby. I cannot see the path to that day. but.

doing my best. my best is enough. 

at the face of it, it seems denial to hold on to the belief that i am doing my best - but i am, not because i am diligent or because i have fantastic work ethical or disciplined. but because we are all doing our best - the sun doesn't shine any less, doesn't hold back for any reason, the water is always as wet as it always is, and so we living in time do our best at that time. when we doubt that, we add doubt to all the other hard difficult things that don't work in our favour. as if things weren't hard enough, we say, and we make them much harder.        

is it enough?

yes. as long as i hold on to my dreams, and trust that i will get there. i will. it has been said over and over again. when people walked to their goal blindfolded. when they lifted a really heavy person with a finger each. when a child walked into the magic shop and then became a neurosurgeon years later. and so will i.