The thing about my soon to be ex, and currently estranged husband was the complete lack of self awareness about what would make him happy. Apart from the fact that he was wrong about the fact that marrying me would make him happy, he was usually wrong about everything he thought would make him happy. Time and again we would bend all resources with us to get him something and at the end of it there would be no celebration – the myth that was sustained so long that THIS thing would bring me happiness would not last even a nano second after THIS thing was got, and definitely not long enough for us to have a decent dinner date. So, all the time that I spent with my ex, I did not spend time with someone happy, or willing to share any happiness. And happiness is only real when shared* – isn’t that the whole point of marriage? Of course I must have been wrong, but exactly how - will I am sure dawn upon me sooner or later. It does sometimes feels like I am cleaning someone else’s mess, like someone else had the party and I am left to clean up the house for the parents!
Like now, when I could have been doing so much else, I am sitting on a weekend trying to figure out the documents I need to give my lawyer – and the money I could have used in so many ways, I am giving away to the lawyer! The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh. But the whole situation reminds me of a story (you surely did not think there was any other point to this post, did you? :)
There was once upon a time a man who lived in a small, tiny house, and he didn’t like it. He wanted to live in a big spacious house. So, he prayed to God and asked him for a big spacious house. The God appeared to him and asked him to find a goat and bring it in the tiny house with him. The man did as he was told and waited a week. God again appeared, and asked him to bring in a chicken. Very surprised, the man did as told and waited. Soon, God appeared again and asked him to bring in a camel. The man again did as told, and this went on for a little while, till the house had no room, was extremely dirty and smelly and it had started to show the wear. Now, very miserably and unhappy the man to went to God and complained. God replied that if he did not like his idea, well he should better get rid of all the animals in his house and mend it and clean it. So, the poor man went back home and let all the animals go and mend his place and cleaned it – and, of course, found a lot more room in the same area than he had previously.
This, I am sure, is a pretty miserable story if you, like me, can’t understand why could the man not just get a bit more room in his house – wasn’t such a big deal, was it? But the thing is, some room that we are given, can’t be expanded, like the 24 hours a day, like 10 years to a decade; and the other thing is we all have a tendency to live in the 59th minute club – give us an hour to do something and we will do most of it in the 59th minute. So, perhaps, sometimes we are given so much to do, that we gain an appreciation of the other 59 minutes in the hour and we just learn to use our space so much better. Maybe this is what it is all about.
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