love's illusions

i wonder if there are some privileges of trying to live the most honest life you can - like being able to trust yourself?

so the guy i would call 'the love of my life' emailed me today to tell me that he doesn't love me and actually never has - and my response was (am i really that predictable?) of complete calm, "now that's just BS." unfortunately i replied saying as much and i am killing myself now because, my housemate pointed out to me that, apparently, a) i wasn't respectful and b)denial is the first stage of grief...

(anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are the next stages... in case you are curious) but what if i were right, instead of being denial i was just calm and knew what was going on? is that a possibility or am i on some stupid treadmill? 

and what is this grief thing, anyway, it was on 7th July that we started this thing; and I am certain I was happy on 1st July... so nothing gained, nothing lost - what is this grief thing?  on the other hand if you told me that in my previous life, for some ridiculous reason, i had pulled out finger nails off little babies fingers and this was all karma, i'll believe you! (i might warn this guy, that he might be actually doing that in this life - god help him!)