This year has been one of the big years. Looking back at them, I think I can safely say, most of the years in my life have been big years.
Some big years are born small, and they have all the appearance of a harmless stream gently bubbling along, and then midway, earth splits and the river changes direction and things are never the same again; some big years are born big, they are like streams heading towards a cliff and you already know that things are going to be dramatically different; and then there are years of great rain and all the water that has spilt on the wide land gradually makes its way back to the main stream and before you know it, this stream has caught a lot of water and is now a big river.
This year, 2015, was like the last one: it was a small year, but there had been rain last season, of which I will speak later, and so things just kept adding up. It began with my home renovations, that are still continuing; then I started to learn the violin and journalism while at the same time work got interesting; and during all this it felt like I fitted in my skin better and that changed me in subtle ways. As a gift from the universe I discovered The Kingkiller Chronicles: it felt like the literary equivalent of eating the smoothest dark chocolate cake in a French patisserie, when I revisited it with Rupert Degas reading it for the audio version, it was adding a glass of warm mulled wine to go with the experience. I also got home Chicory, one of the most life altering decisions I have ever made, I am so grateful for him that it seems to have changed me at the cellular level. My parents visiting, together even tho there was no drama happening in my life, was a big deal, and we got a new car. My grandparents got settled in their life and decisions; my relationships with my friends went thru some major change, different directions for different friends, but I am still trying to figure out exactly what - like perhaps I competed my journey from being a high-schooler to someone-I-wanted-to-be to being a high-schooler again but without the anguish. This was the year with considerably less anguish. (I wouldn't say none, but considerably less. Some of it was me, a lot of it was the universe, as you'll see.)
I think the roots of 2015 lay in the MIH workshop, last year, where I got to unpack myself and have a really good look at myself. Somehow, somewhere in there I learnt a little bit more about the shape of things*. Maybe, the following 6 months, spending long hours meeting people who didn't really know me add to impending discoveries and changes. A huge difference this year has been that I started speaking regularly to my cousin again, who has a way of looking at me that I have missed - something that says, "I see you and I like what I see, I can see where you are heading and it is spectacular out there". C is great in a supporting act of unconditional old soul acceptance and love. there were a lot more highlights things that I don't know how to put into words, or experiences that I don't have the wit to yet understand. But I can note that my choices this year make more sense for me, even when they were irrational.
I have a feeling we are still in the middle of the plot, this is all going to make more sense in another episode or two, that while this has been a good run - the view is fundamentally different, it is better, I am fitting in my skin better - but we are heading to a bigger finale.
Some big years are born small, and they have all the appearance of a harmless stream gently bubbling along, and then midway, earth splits and the river changes direction and things are never the same again; some big years are born big, they are like streams heading towards a cliff and you already know that things are going to be dramatically different; and then there are years of great rain and all the water that has spilt on the wide land gradually makes its way back to the main stream and before you know it, this stream has caught a lot of water and is now a big river.
This year, 2015, was like the last one: it was a small year, but there had been rain last season, of which I will speak later, and so things just kept adding up. It began with my home renovations, that are still continuing; then I started to learn the violin and journalism while at the same time work got interesting; and during all this it felt like I fitted in my skin better and that changed me in subtle ways. As a gift from the universe I discovered The Kingkiller Chronicles: it felt like the literary equivalent of eating the smoothest dark chocolate cake in a French patisserie, when I revisited it with Rupert Degas reading it for the audio version, it was adding a glass of warm mulled wine to go with the experience. I also got home Chicory, one of the most life altering decisions I have ever made, I am so grateful for him that it seems to have changed me at the cellular level. My parents visiting, together even tho there was no drama happening in my life, was a big deal, and we got a new car. My grandparents got settled in their life and decisions; my relationships with my friends went thru some major change, different directions for different friends, but I am still trying to figure out exactly what - like perhaps I competed my journey from being a high-schooler to someone-I-wanted-to-be to being a high-schooler again but without the anguish. This was the year with considerably less anguish. (I wouldn't say none, but considerably less. Some of it was me, a lot of it was the universe, as you'll see.)
I think the roots of 2015 lay in the MIH workshop, last year, where I got to unpack myself and have a really good look at myself. Somehow, somewhere in there I learnt a little bit more about the shape of things*. Maybe, the following 6 months, spending long hours meeting people who didn't really know me add to impending discoveries and changes. A huge difference this year has been that I started speaking regularly to my cousin again, who has a way of looking at me that I have missed - something that says, "I see you and I like what I see, I can see where you are heading and it is spectacular out there". C is great in a supporting act of unconditional old soul acceptance and love. there were a lot more highlights things that I don't know how to put into words, or experiences that I don't have the wit to yet understand. But I can note that my choices this year make more sense for me, even when they were irrational.
I have a feeling we are still in the middle of the plot, this is all going to make more sense in another episode or two, that while this has been a good run - the view is fundamentally different, it is better, I am fitting in my skin better - but we are heading to a bigger finale.
*The world is a much more interesting place if we look beyond what is visible to the naked eye. There is so much more to see! If we start to look more closely, a tree can be more than a spoon-shaped thing.”- Gut by Giulia Enders
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