C

I was looking at C, my 6 month old chocolate Labrador, who i already call an old soul, and wondering about all the knowledge he is born with.

 

He has an ease of spirit when he accepts love and a stoicism with which he accepts that humans lose their mind and do irrational stuff - like making a HUGE big deal about where a dog pees or poos. He'll playfully mouth me if knows I am teasing but sit patiently if he knows he is going to get a smack or a scolding. He understands play but doesn’t understand why you'd keep throwing away a ball we were happily playing with. "Surely" he thinks to himself, "if you are going to be a fuss pot about not wanting a ball, i can learn to play with others." 

 

He knows how to sing - and I really stuffed up with his head, when i recorded him singing and re-played it. He jumped up - incredulous, amazed, unbelieving and yet believing, yet blissful beyond words, yet anxious to not even wait a second - to meet his soul mate. to meet someone who could sing his song back to him. for a moment he looked at the phone, then as if dismissing it, he looked at me, as if i were a dog wearing a human skin (how he knew that all along!) and he was about to pull it away from me like removing a blanket from the top of a toy, when looking into my eyes he dismissed that idea too. he noticed that the singing had stopped, realised that i had probably done some trick. and i, realising that if i continue doing these kinds of things he will lose confidence in his instincts, and thinking about what i had led him to believe, felt terrible.

 

for a moment, C thought this world contained someone who would sing his song back to him. but it doesn’t. it broke my heart in a way that only living with C everyday does - when you see innocent confidence in this world turning doubtful, and grandest hopes that come crashing down being dealt with nothing more than a shrug.

 

i often sing to C, gradually learning what engages him and what doesn't, and he is learning to understand what my songs mean. it is sometimes very difficult to believe that this is only the first summer he has known (tho i try to tell him it has been much wetter than usual and there was a drought not very long ago) and all these experiences that he is experiencing with me are completely brand new in a way I forget to appreciate, even if there is hope that i could.

 

yesterday he saw his first kangaroo and then whimpered when i told him he had to sit and not chase them; a few weeks ago he swam in a lake for the first time. he goes digging his nose in bushes to find crickets that are hiding there after the rain. he hurt himself, the other day and loved the dry turmeric powder that i gave him as an antiseptic, even tho it is terribly bitter - and again, he is attracted to native animal poo in a way that is (obviously) inexplicable to me! 

 

he is still trying to figure out what to do when i come interrupting his blissful sleep in the middle of the night - should he come and sleepily sit at attention (something he has been doing till recently) or should he simply keep lying? i don’t seem to mind his lying, and frankly, getting up 200 million times a night is a bit crazy. Should he roll over and ask for a belly rub?

 

my little wise soul, he'll figure out the best ways. and i am grateful beyond words to share that journey with him.