Saying, "it's okay, you did your best"

to my past self, for opportunities missed. 

I am feeling a bit burnt out. Not because I did too much (maybe I did) but because I have had a real hard time being able to set my own priorities. Between having no access to leave at work, to family schedules, to getting long covid symptoms.  

(My mother and I have a very different way of thinking, things that are obvious to her are usually an absolute mystery to me. I have grown to realise that this diversity of thought is a super-power we both of access to, and instead of regretting that communicating is not easy, we should make thing fantabulous!) 

I had earned opportunities at work, and I should have taken them up with gusto... but I couldn't/didn't and that effing sucks. I paid for gym and taekwondo and I didn't show up. I started cleaning up my apartment and I couldn't finish that either. It made me really annoyed with my folks who are visiting rather than enjoying their company and being welcoming. Mum totally understands, dad (who thinks more like me) doesn't have a clue. 

A really small thing that is critical for me is a tracking calendar, that I had to take off for most part of last year - because I had organised the rooms incorrectly - this was obvious to mum and clear as mud to me - and I couldn't function without. It was crippling. I hated being without it. It is back now. 

Also, I might be moving to my old job with a continued promotion and a lot less uncertainty. I think. I will find out more next week. 

Failure, they really must teach more about these at school. What they tell us is that they can be expensive, that they should be avoided... well, what i know is that mistakes and the failures that they lead to, are inevitable. whether you try to live dangerously or safely... you will make mistakes. When you try to live dangerously, you leap just beyond your current reach... and either you succeed or you fail, either you have a moment of triumph or (let's be honest) of humiliation and crawling back to where you were to begin with. But even when you live safely, you miss out of opportunities and all the things you could have done and that sucks too. there is no avoiding mistakes, there is no avoiding failure. we really have to embrace mistakes... there is no other way. in embracing making mistakes, we will look them in the eye and we will make them count. And just as importantly we will be kind to others when they make mistakes. 

I like what Neil Gaiman said about mistakes:  

I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.

Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something.

So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it.

Make your mistakes, next year and forever.