not a good enough reason

This is a link to something very horrifying. I most often don't even want to think about it for the fear of making any more real than it has to be… and in hearing things like these that I truly get confused about philosophy. That is a very important post, but for another time. Today, the take home message is there is no justification for doing anything wrong when you knew it was wrong. Because who knows where the downward spiral of justifications might just take us.  

Test

An insane amount of doubt and regret almost overwhelms me now that I find that I have wasted time and now many things have claim on my day, that I can do nothing about. Like someone who is ill and then realises the freedom that a healthy body provides; I am coming to realise all the time and energy I have wasted in not having a purpose in life. That time has a tendency to get filled up with things, if these are not purposely placed, then they are carelessly laid about.

When it rains...

In my long and (for my purposes) sufficiently eventful life of more than 30 years, I remember the time I bought my first and only umbrella for myself. My previous attempts of owning an umbrella had been encouraged by my uncle and brought to a culmination by my cousin – who made it a point to borrow and lose any umbrella that was given, gifted or lent to me. I realised there wasn't much purpose in buying an umbrella while he could still borrow it. Hence, I bought my first umbrella after I had already moved cities. This umbrella was however bought when I was back in Melbourne. It was pouring, I was going to catch up with a friend, and bought my first umbrella from a pharmacy at Melbourne Central so that I could cross the street  to reach the café at the State Library. It is silver on the outside and green on the inside – folds up really compact, and is currently stained with black ink marks on it.  

That afternoon I called my best friend and told her that I had bought an umbrella*, and for some reason it felt like the small step took me the farthest I had ever been. Like suddenly, it mattered to me if I got a bit wet or that I could suddenly not trust the universe to keep the weather under control when it mattered more. Now, however I have made peace with it. In fact it has been raining in here for a couple of days now and the universe brings out its rain and I bring out my umbrella and together we create a wonderful symphony, in a beautiful fragrant atmosphere!  

*much to her amusement, because she hadn't heard of my phobia of umbrellas yet.