The should in the shoulder and other percieved sources of discomfort

I came back from Melbourne with a massively achy shoulder and an upset stomach. I had gone to Melbourne with an upset stomach, so that doesn't count for the argument I am about to make.


Melbourne is a no-mans land for me, I am not with my nuclear family who I love to pieces and I am not with my friends who are fantastic and dependable company - I am with my extended family, my zone of "should." I particularly don't like my Aunty and Uncle, I think they were mean and miserable most of the time that they had a chance to be nice. And I am not very forgiving of people who treat the people who are in their power badly. And maybe because are in each other's zone of "should" I don't have much patience with the most of rest of them either!


Perhaps I would like to be more forgiving, I think - I mean, I have never felt like I have to be more forgiving to old friends after we've outgrown each other. But it is different because these people are family? 


One day, I'll resolve this some how, some day. Till then, when my shoulder will hurt after a trip to melbourne, I will wonder if the zone of should had anything to do with it.

An article I wish I had written

Sometimes I read something and I wish I had written it - it is insightful and reads the way I wish I could be read... It doesn't happen all the time, in fact, not very often...


This article by Cassie Werber on Leonard Cohen's anthem is one of those article:
https://qz.com/835076/leonard-cohens-anthem-the-story-of-the-line-there-is-a-crack-in-everything-thats-how-the-light-gets-in/


and this line in particular:
"In dark times, poetry and music often become more important to us, providing the kind of transcendence we need to interpret painful events in a wider context."


 

Emotions are a key and other useful one-liners that have helped me

Emotions are very useful, whenever you spontaneously react to something, it can tell you what is a driving value in your life. it is very useful information. (A mental health/ leadership coach at work)


Get all the help you can, but that is only 10% of the work, 90% of the work you need to do yourself. (my dad, when I was telling him I am getting profession mental health help.  Did I tell you he is the best father in the whole universe? well, now you know!)


Trust them, they are trying to do the best thing by you as well! (My brother, talking about how to treat my work colleagues, and in particular, my boss.)    

Rituals

This year started with me paying off a 0% interest credit card debt. To say it felt amazing is selling it short - I felt like I had been lost in the wilderness and was now coming back to the track - like I wasn't going to die alone and thirsty. I am sure such an experience of being in debt is not a Loss but it felt like a loss - it felt stupid and frustrating, like bad luck and bad decisions coincided - and I realise I cannot bring myself to feel that awful feeling again, it IS different when you are in it. And while I could not forget the amount while I was paying it off, I cannot really remember the amount less than a month later.


I celebrated with listening to the Barefoot Investor as I drove back from Melbourne to Canberra. I found that I had been given similar advice from a very kind banker and had since been gradually making my way back... it had felt too overwhelming to read the barefoot investor, and change my behaviours, while still coping with debt. I am hoping I will now change to become better now that I have the mental bandwidth. I am now back where I was about 10 years ago - both in terms of my finances and even perhaps my career - when I got married, then I had a crappy time and then it took me about 8 more years to recover. Which is what the research says...


Anyho, I've still to listen to what the barefoot investor said and manage my accounts and my salary... I think I am still overwhelmed by the mess in my apartment.


But we are talking about rituals...


and I already have a holiday ritual - where I go on a holiday in July around my birthday, literally, around my birthday. I also try to listen to a book when I drive - Mummy and Papa don't always allow it. I spend the Christmas break with Amma Daddyji.
I started this year watching an excellent movie around new years eve - Knives Out - my only regret is that I didn't savour that feeling for a bit longer, I looked at my phone far too soon. But the movie was brilliant, the feeling was brilliant, and this, dear reader, is the start of a new ritual.
The other one, that I've wanted to do for years, and couldn't afford to, was to buy one piece of art every year. I think I am about to get one now - and it would be simply brilliant if I could afford to get one every year.      


Writing all of this just made me realise that all my rituals are kinda just for me, I am not really doing anything for anyone else... which ain't completely true - I have since I have had a job paid a small amount to Amnesty - for people who stand up for other people, to their own cost! Need I say more? But maybe I do need to, this year saw a lot of fires in Australia - 2020 Bushfires will, I hope, be always remembered as the worst ecological disaster the globe ever saw - and what turned things around. I have a feeling that this year will turn things around or move them to a new path - it is a year of opportunity and it is year where I consciously intend to grab them with both my hands.


But that reminds me, Saum and I did decide to plant 3 trees for 3 birthdays this year. Seema has offered to help me plant them too - I think we will plant two plums with lavender on the ground, and then we might plant a two natives and perhaps some grass - the kind that grows around the National Gallery? So that is a good ritual too.


I also started daily journaling and I am trying to make C's walks and my violin practice more of a thing - but they are habits not rituals. I am training with others for - trail running, rock climbing and professional coaching that I believe is tax-deducatable and will also have major spillover effects for me to start dating and honestly, end dating and be with my guy!!


I may talk about them soon, perhaps. I didn't realise I had so many words inside me waiting to be heard - it is great to have this space.